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[10 Jul 2009|07:57pm] |
A month ago I found out I am not as blind as I feel. This is great news because it means that I can begin again to conquer my fear of controlling a moving car and get a proper license. The funny thing about this is that I used to say that I I don't know how to drive. But I found another discovery. I can drive very well in fact, I just feel completely and totally freaked out no matter what speed I am going. So here I go, trying to pass the state tests and still my frantic mind.
Arg, I dunno. My boyfriend did the weirdest thing today. I was on the computer short before he had to leave for work, when he told me to go to you tube he wanted to show me something funny that had his Dad cracking up yesterday. I did but when I asked him what to type in he went to the computer, turned it off and came over to my chair, hugged me tightly and kissed me a few times. He repeated that he was going to show me something. When I asked what, he told me to forget about it. After a lot of prodding he told me it was this TBS commercial that was implying how gay some of the characters from lord of the rings were. Kinda funny, but he said he was embarrassed by it and that I built it up. He felt he was losing his ability to tell jokes and funny stories because how his family has been treating him lately.
( My family is so different than his... )
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[23 May 2009|09:34am] |
Today is my boyfriend's 22 birthday.
With friends in toe I am trying to throw him the best ball ever.
Truth given, it might be the only chance to party this year.
I lost my job, nothing worse then getting fired because they thought you were stealing but couldn't prove it because you weren't and told them you weren't, so instead got rid of you on bogus charges. I was going back to school in Fall too. And it is two days from my 23rd birthday.
You may wonder what is so special about the 23rd birthday?
Well it is one of the most memorable numbers in my life. It is the day both of my best boyfriends, or should I say boyfriend and best ex, were born. It is the number I run across as a sign of fate when I am going the right path. More than anything 23 is 18 5. What I looked forward to when I was 18 because 5 years is long enough to have you life together, right? Well, it is to a naive 18 year old.
And really, losing my job although financially murdering, is one of the best things for me. No more swing shifts or vampirism for the working class anymore. I can wake up when the sun rises and get to sleep when it sets again. It is a werid life to live fearing the dark because you still have more work, but fearing the light because you haven't even got to see yet.
I think the best thing of all is that I now have my nights and afternoons back. I can call and talk to my mom at decent hours. I don't have to make my friends stay up until 1 am to see me. So I guess I should connect with everyone here too, if anyone still exist here.
Hey Y'all, how have you been?
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[10 Dec 2008|04:02am] |
I haven't talked here in forever but I need to talk to someone... and everyone is asleep.
tonight I invited my boyfriend's friend over, because they haven't seen each other in nine months. I got home from work at midnight and his girlfriend is awake, everyone is passout. So we start talking. I started to talk about how last time we were going to hang out I had to cancelled because my 19 year old brother was getting married and what a mess it was. They were engaged for months and then one day came up with a date less a month away. It happens to be, she had a friend that did the same thing. We started to talk about how crazy it is to do a wedding so quick, and I mentioned the bride's name. We were talking about the same fucking person. We hit off and started to talk about everything from pro-choice to how they fuck with books when they make them movies to how to find show you missed on the internet. And I didn't want to stop talking. It felt like years since I sat down and just girl talked. I wanted to go in my bedroom and talk, but she wanted to stay there while her boyfriend slept on the couch. So we kept talking. Then she started to talk about him, I told her a funny story about him. And he woke up and started to fight with her about some ex's myspace page that was in her internet history.
They left. I thought they would talk it out, yell, scream, look at each other and solve it, say "I love you" and come back inside. That is what I thought couples did. He dropped her off and broke up with her. I called, worried that their car was gone, and he just hung up on me. My boyfriend was woken up by that point, called him and the jerk said he demanded me to say I was sorry for breaking THEM up. Like I have that power to break them up. Shit. I am so pissed at his immature show that I will tell him to fuck himself if he wants an apology.
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[02 Oct 2008|03:22am] |
Anyone ever heard the song Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs?
It is on Rock band, and the first time I heard I felt connected. I realized after the fifth time of playing it that I had heard it before, and why. Over four years ago I was a lost teen searching the internet, via lj, and I found a girl a little older than me that lived in Mexico. She loved the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and taught me all about music and love. Every boy trouble I had I told her about and through listening to her more complex relationships I learned about life. I have stopped talking to her for about three years and I miss her terribly. She was there for me in a lot of hard spots and I think I was there for her in her hard ones too. But I can't find her, she has no myspace or current lj and I wish I could just find her and see what she has been doing these past years. There must be some way to find Mish. Even if all the leads I have crumble, I wanna find her so bad I would search the earth.
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[21 Sep 2008|10:36pm] |
School, I mixed the dates up and forgot to pay on time. Working a full time swing shift retail job has offically killed my ability to remember real dates, like when school begins, or saturdays.
I feel like I am still in high school. The only thing that has changed is that there is more space to it. It is no longer just my school but all schools combined. Odd as it is everyone I know is going through drama that seems on the surface like adult problems but they are all high school immaturity in the end.
And I realized how long me and my boyfriend have been together last night, looking at pictures I took of him today a year ago. We might fight everyday, but every fight ends in laughter. And fighting is what you get when you bring two opposite worlds together. Yesterday, my friend was linking people by who they dated, who they knew. My boyfriend, he isn't friends with any of my friends, and my friends are friends of his friends. He doesn't know anyone from my high school, and it is refreshing. His family can't stand me and my odd behavior. My friends can't stand his simple words or his antisocial behavior. I don't know how we lasted a full year more, but we did.
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[15 May 2008|10:38pm] |
So LJ,
It has been a long time.
But nothing has happened.
I still work somewhere that I wish I could leave. But I keep looking for another job. My boyfriend is in town for good, and works at a station like mine, just two blocks away. You would be surprised by the amount of gas stations there are. We work the same shifts. I am still as socially messed as always. I never do anything too insulting, but most days I wish my mouth wasn't so detached from my brain.
I miss all my friends. Including you guys. I hope I can just stay updated and far away like I have been.
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[20 Mar 2008|10:42pm] |
I can't wait until it is all over.
The new place, the new job.
I swear it will be like living a new city.
We went to the cheapest apartments in the city on monday and I fell in love. It was well built, in a prime location. 2 groceries, endless bus routes, a video store, rite aid and fast food... in the same block. It was amazing. I don't even want to look elsewhere. My best friend even lives in the complex.
My job is such bullshit. I am so tired of people coming and saying something like "Oh I am coming to buy cigarettes for my grand-daughter who has no ID with her" and expect me to sell it to them. We have so many signs up, and when someone tells me "Give me my cigarettes" or "You will sell me cigarettes" it only makes it worse. The worst is "You are so bad at your job." I want a job where cigarettes don't exist. People always understand when I can't sell them beer, but when it comes to their cigarettes it is like their life is over. It makes no sense.
I just keep breathing in. My fortune cookie told me I will enjoy a vacation soon. I hope this just means that life with my boyfriend will be like a holiday. My room mates are turning into scum. Someone that is able to work is collecting unemployment, her son is growing pot, with intent to sell it, in the backyard, and little girls are begging teen boys to love them the only way they think you can love, through sex, in the garage. It is sickening to be here. I almost feel guilt over all of it for not calling the police. But the police have been here many times, and nothing ever happens. How it makes me sad that she talks her son out of being arrested so often.
An officer said the saddest part of her job were the calls of danger that ended with no result. The wife that calls every time she is beat but never presses charges because she loves him. She never realizes for every call she makes and lets the police do nothing, there is a woman that wanted to get away from the abuse, but the police were too late to save the poor thing because of her misuse of the law.
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[05 Nov 2007|08:23pm] |
"If I worked at a gas station for the rest of my life, I would be happy as long as I had the things I needed in life."
That is what my boyfriend said when I asked him what he wanted to do the rest of his life. He went on to say what he needed in life was food, a working car, a place of his own, video games, internet and lastly loving people like me around him. That line though spoke to me.
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[02 Nov 2007|06:49pm] |
So rent is paid.
I have nothing left.
I got my checks fixed, well, some of them, more to get angry about.
I have like 45 bucks for the rest of the month for EVERYTHING.
Until my damn checks are fixed.
I feel like a damn bad luck band.
After all it seems like everything in my job is falling to shit, and people are over reacting like it NEVER happened before.
Damn.
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[16 Oct 2007|07:30pm] |
I LOVE Halloween.
Sadly, the last two weeks past me by so fast I didn't even find any thing hallo themed.
if ANYONE has ANY links to ANY hallo themed junk I would be so thankful if you left it here.
My Boyfriend is taking me to Nightmare Before Christmas this Saturday!
I am so excited I feel like my legs are gonna fall off!
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[10 Oct 2007|04:24pm] |
I am angry. My good friend of two years has told everyone we have had sex. We haven't. And I told him that if he ever told anyone a awlful lie about me or told anyone what I told him in private I would never talk to him again. And he did and I found out today. I guess he wasn't my good friend after all.
But at least my babe is going to be back tonight. Much love there. :)
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[03 Oct 2007|01:55pm] |
So I have a new place to live closer to my work.
Me and my boyfriend are fine now.
And I think I really like where I am in life.
:)
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[30 Sep 2007|10:51pm] |
My family looks at me funny.
My white friends are ashamed of me.
My non-white friends call me a racist.
All because I like Tyler Perry's plays and I am white.
Like a white person can't find black humor funny and black culture enlightening.
I learned more about myself and what is the right thing to do watching Madea's class reunion than my parents ever taught me.
I just want to scream "Wise up people. Just because you are not white doesn't mean that you are allowed to be rude, obnoxious, violent or lazy around people that are white. And it doesn't mean that we don't have the same goals or interest in life. It just means we look different. Everything else from the way you dress to the way you act is up to you, and no one is allowed to tell you it is right or wrong, especially because of your race."
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[28 Sep 2007|06:13pm] |
Nothing says I love you like verbally abusing your girlfriend.
Gag.
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[20 Sep 2007|04:16pm] |
I feel bad but I am only going to be working at Big Spoon for a month or so.
You see today I went to Chevron and they said "If you pass the drug test and the criminal background then we will hire you."
And it is in the part of town my boyfriend is dying to go to. I am more than excited and all of my world is spinning.
Chevron will let me dye my hair purple which is a plus.
I have been wanting to do that for two years now.
WOOT.
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[19 Sep 2007|08:21pm] |
I got a job!
it's at Big Spoon Yogurt in a place down the street from where I live now. and I am more than excited.
I know in a month or so I am going to have a new job but hey, work is work.
I didn't have a full 72 hours of unemployment.
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[19 Sep 2007|01:51pm] |
So I have two days until I have to tell my boyfriend the bad news. I am almost happy he left his phone at his parent's.
But I have an interview tomorrow with Chevron. I want it... wish me luck.
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[29 Aug 2007|01:27am] |
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Doesn't anyone believe in friendly people on the internet?
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[07 Aug 2007|08:58pm] |
AHHH!!!
The first time I am not at work on a Tuesday night and House is a repeat!
Fucking hell!
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